Strange Fact

In 1999, an man in Tennessee applied for a license to marry his Ford Mustang. He listed his fiancee's birthplace as Detroit, her father's name as "Henry Ford," and her blood type as "10W-40." His application was rejected.

Puppy

I got a puppy. She is 11 weeks old now. She is a Dearhead Chihuahua. She is a little ball of energy but potty training is a bitch.

ZEN AND THE WISDOM OF LIFE

Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

No one is listening until you fart.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.

Don't worry -- It only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.